Copy of Rob's service
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The
Funeral of
Robert “Rob” John Marsden
Born:
21st July 1959 Warfield, Berkshire
Died:
10th September 2003 Hemel
Hempstead, Hertfordshire
Friday 18th September 2003
Music for
Entrance:
Once Upon Time in the West by Enio Morricone
Welcome and Introduction
Welcome
to you all. We are here today to
celebrate the life of Robert John Marsden and to honour his passing.
After the tribute and before the committal, there will be some private moments for you all to remember Rob - each in your own way. It is also a time that can be used, if any of you are religious, for silent prayer.
I did not meet Rob but I spent some time with Chris and his
sister Karri and found he was someone who was a sportsman, a musician, a cook, a
joker – he enjoyed many roles in life. Above
all he was a loving and loved family man.
Prologue
“Wherever
your life ends, there it is complete. The
value of life lies not in its length, but in the use we make of it. This or that man may have lived many years, yet lived little.
Pay good heed to that in your own life. “
(Michel de Montaigne)
Those words were written in the 16th
century but will never go out of date. Rob
squeezed as much as he could from every moment of his 44 years – even before
he found out he was seriously ill. He
was a kind and gentle man who always had time for people and children.
Chris said his only fault – if that is the right word - was that he
would walk away from an argument.
The Tribute
Rob was a second child for Brian
and Jean Marsden and was born in the Berkshire village of Warfield.
He was a contented, plump, white-blond child and is remembered as lazy as
he did not walk or crawl for quite some time.
At the age of four, he was
seriously ill and nearly died from a digestive illness and thereafter he was
even more cherished by his mother.
As a boy he was bright and full of
mischief. The family moved to
Bovingdon when he was about seven where he became great friends with Gareth who
lived nearby. They would camp in
the garden and creep out to a nearby housing estate at 4 am to set off a banger.
They used a fuse so they could be innocently back in the tent before the
firework went off.
Then there were the stink bombs
from a joke shop in Tottenham Court Road …
Once the two friends cycled to
Huntingdon to visit relatives, staying at youth hostels on the way.
For some spare cash they helped a local farmer and offered to weed his
tennis court, if they could use it for a game.
This was just one of sports that
Rob loved. He left his lazy baby
days behind with a vengeance. He
joined the air scouts and became a patrol leader.
He attended Cavendish School in
Hemel Hempstead where he probably enjoyed the sport more than the lessons though
he liked history and researched his family history when he was a teenager.
During his early years Rob played
the clarinet and the piano, which he had taken up again recently.
He could play by ear and one of the few things he did regret was not
persevering longer in developing his musical ability.
Karri remembers that at school she
was quiet and academic and in contrast her brother was chatty and full of jokes,
mimicking the teachers.
After his A levels, Rob worked for
the electric board and then in a garage as he loved motorbikes and cars and was
good at mechanics. He took after
his father who taught him a lot about cars and motorbike maintenance and also
woodwork.
Finally in about 1978, he took a
job with the borough council in personnel management services, which has now
become the human resources department.
This job suited him, as he was
always good at speaking to people – whatever their background.
He enjoyed meeting people and made many friends.
I would like to ask his colleague
and friend Sharon Allen to come forward to read the tributes she has collected
from the civic centre staff.
Sharon - Dear Rob, When I saw you last, and you greeted me
with “Hello you ol’ tart” I knew your hopes and spirits were still high.
We spoke of your friends and colleagues, laughed and joked.
You were your usual cheeky self – with the nurses too.
I never imagined I would be here now.
To say you will be missed is an understatement.
Thursday was a very sad day. Words
are never enough but I am going to share with you and your friends what their
memories are.
Gadebridge Badminton Club - Rob was a great badminton player and belonged to various clubs during
his long career. We were lucky
enough to have Rob join us at Gadebridge Badminton Club a few years ago where he
was a valued and popular player.
When things were getting tough during matches, we
would look to Rob for advice and inspiration, hoping to draw from his wealth of
experience. He would beckon us over
and we would listen carefully.
“If all else fails” he would say “Try and coax the opposition to
the net – if you manage to do that, then when they’re not looking, hit them
over the head with your racket!” He
would give a cheeky giggle.
He’s also fondly remembered at our various social occasions –
"Mad Gary" (Gazzer) would turn up with his 10 pages of jokes
(for some of the jokes, click on link here - http://www.btinternet.com/~wawazat/), and we can still see Rob doubled
up laughing with tears rolling down his face!
The jokes were not even that good – it was the way "Mad Gary" told ‘em!
Rob will be very sadly missed by us all at Gadebridge Badminton Club.
Richard – I
remember most about Rob that he was one of life’s “nice guys” – easy to
talk to and be with, whether it was simply around the building or on a course or
even bumping into him at a car boot sale.
Pat – I’ve
known Rob ever since he started at DBC and always found him to be the sweetest
and most gentle of men. I shall
really miss him.
Sandy – When I
think of Rob I’m reminded of his warm and friendly smile.
It was an infectious smile that made me smile back, even if I felt
miserable.
David – I had a
fairly large
workforce which at times brought its problems.
Rob was often my HR contact and always showed a balanced view coupled
with compassion which I always valued.
Mike – Rob and
I had a mini-enterprise with the world of show business and promotions –
namely setting up gigs in the Cellar Bar. We
referred to ourselves as the Dacorum’s Harvey Goldsmith. Rob would bring the children to the band’s rehearsals –
as they like anything noisy!
One little regular “event” that Rob used to partake in, much to the
enjoyment of the Gentleman’s Luncheon Club, held daily in the canteen, was
known as “going into town to pick a fight with a shopkeeper”.
Rob regularly used to have to take stuff back to shops – faulty or
broken goods. The rest of us would
support him and accompany Rob into town to see him “pick a fight with a
shopkeeper”. Good fun was had by
all except Rob perhaps whose case wasn’t helped by an entourage of 4 or 6
helpful hangers on supplying advice and support – all good clean fun.
A fine man and an example to us all.
I never heard him complain whilst he was ill. I guess most people never knew how ill he really was.
Steve – Good to
know someone at work who would eat as much as I did.
Jenny – We all
have fond memories of Rob who was a very kind, caring and compassionate man.
I will always remember him dressing up for Red Nose Day and shaking his
tin to collect money in. He was always thinking of others and the past mayors were
very grateful to him for organising a social club charity quiz evening, together
with Martin Quinn, every year to raise funds for the mayor’s charity.
Rob may not have lived a great many years but he certainly touched us all
in so many different ways.
Ron, Pam, Joe and Alan - He started at Dacorum about the same time as me and we were part of a
big intake of talent that year.
Hilary – I really
appreciated the time he took helping me as a manager. He was a stupendous badminton player and when I was messing
around on court at lunchtimes he would be practicing fantastic shots and helping
other to improve. He also advised
me where to get small sized racquets which helped my unsporty son play and
overcome asthma.
We also have a Rob Marsden memorial wall in our garden.
Rob advertised on the noticeboard some lovely old bricks from his
mother’s garden in Halton. We bought them. It’s
a lovely feature and well weathered in.
Sally – I
didn’t know Rob personally but what I do know is that it seems that everybody
who did know him had good words to say. It
is a measure of the man that Rob leaves behind him so many good thoughts.
He was a good man.
Simon – He was
just about the nicest person I have ever met.
He was old fashioned in the best sense by being honest, kind, loyal and
deriving pleasure from other people’s success.
He will be greatly missed. It
was a privilege to have worked with him and to have known him.
Paul – Rob was
a friendly face when I started here at DBC - except when I was playing football
against him.
Michelle –
When I started here 15 years ago I was in a very stuffy office where there
wasn’t much laughter. Not long
after starting it was Comic Relief and I thought it would pass with nothing
happening. How wrong I was! In burst Rob with his Comic Relief boxer shorts, tights,
false boobs, wig and face just slightly over made up – collecting for charity.
I laughed so much and was so grateful to know that there was someone else
in the council with so much fun and happiness.
That to me was Rob, ready to have a laugh but compassionate and caring.
James – What can
I say? Rob was a lovely guy, so
dedicated to his work and his family and always a real pleasure to be with,
liked by everyone at the Civic Centre.
Brian – He was a
great man and I have to say when we used to play cricket together for the
council and his children used to come and watch, I used to look at the way he
and his children responded to each other and think how wonderful it would be if
I could be as good and patient a daddy as he was.
Diane – He was a
kind, supportive, reassuring man and always had such a healthy perspective on
life.
Ron – Rob’s
kindness towards others was reflected in his charity work as well as running the
mayor’s quiz evening with Martin, he collected for Children In Need.
Each year his outfits and make-up got more and more daring.
It was all in a good cause and with his willing assistants made lots of
money. Rob was always eating.
His desk drawers were always full of biscuits.
He made most of us in HR twice the size or those on diets hungry.
He was always the first to volunteer to support Sara at the Old Town
Hall. He claimed that the fresh
coffee and fresh cream cakes were a cross he had to bear and certainly not a
taxable benefit.
Christmas was another time for fun and a bit of “dressing up” – we
seem to have a bit of a theme going here … anyway many years ago, when Rob
worked in Management Services, he and Dennis dressed up as Andy Pandy and Teddy.
We’ve kept the picture of the Head of Personnel Services sitting on
their laps a secret ever since.
Jim – We had a
one minute silence at football today for Rob.
Very touching. Rob was the
person who always kept the score during our Tuesday games.
However it became a standing joke amongst us (Rob included) that the
score never appeared to be close to or reflect the amount of goals scored –
especially if Rob’s side were losing. Sometimes
it felt like you would score three goals and still be three behind!
We used to laugh when one team would be streets ahead of the other side,
score a goal and someone would shout “How many are we behind Rob?” – as I
said Rob always took this ribbing in good part and gave back as good as he got.
We miss him nowadays. Nobody
keeps the score quite like Rob did.
Dave – Rob was
a good friend to me (as Amy was of Emily) and I wanted to share my best memory
of him, when I saw him bring Jonathan into the department once when he was very
young. Rob talked to him in an
interesting, intelligent and sensitive way.
He was devoted to his children and it was a real joy to see how much he
loved them. I can clearly remember
thinking “If that’s what being a dad is about, then I’d love to be one.”
Rob changed my life by being a brilliant example and I am going to miss
him.
Karen – Rob
worked closely with the call centre in respect of the HR side. Although probably none of us knew him well personally I
remember many times Tracy or Linda would burst into fits of laughter over
something Rob said on the phone. We
knew he had a wicked sense of humour.
Gillian – I
met Rob about 9 years ago when I relocated to Hertfordshire. It was a difficult time for me and Rob was a welcoming and
supportive colleague. He was well
liked, a true professional, enjoyed helping people and had the wonderful ability
of relating to all types of people. He
loved his jokes, most were so dreadful, we all had to laugh with him.
He was always willing to laugh at himself especially when we teased him
about his knobbly knees. One word
for Rob is DELIGHTFUL.
Andy – Rob was
an absolute pleasure to know and made DBC even more enjoyable. We would dress up in ladies wear together (without hesitation
I might add!) for Children In Need. I
also recall Lana, Rob and I dressing up in fancy dress for Red Nose Day.
Bizarre behaviour but TRUE! He
organised 5-a-side football – in fact I probably still owe a fiver in subs!
Rob wasn’t the best cricketer but he still turned out for the CRACK.
The guy was a STAR and will be missed by all.
Whilst working with Rob within Management Services Dept, we were out on
a refuse study. It had just snowed
and I was driving, approaching a hill. We
had difficulty climbing it so one of us needed to push.
Can’t remember how the decision was made but it was me who did the
pushing. Needless to say we got up
the hill. Oh yes and Rob was
famous for his pregnant ladies! He
always dealt with them with such warmth, always reassuring!
There are many that didn’t know what to say so I have put a few words
together which will capture some thoughts and sentiments.
“Dear Rob you will be missed
Knowing you has been a great honour,
Engraved are special memories.
You have touched our hearts.
Your life with us has given us lessons to learn.
Thank you for your kindness, listening, sharing and laughter.
Be at peace now my friend
And continue your journey knowing you will never be forgotten.”
Peter Eldrett
When I lived in Hemel Hempstead, up to 1983, I coached both Rob and Chris as a
pair up to a good standard and found Rob to be a very likeable and all round
good chap. His, and Chris, sense of humour will stay with me. We had a great
time together and both Rod and Chris worked very, very hard at their game and
listened to what I told them.
Please pass on my condolences to Chris and the family. He will be missed by all
the people who had the pleasure of knowing him.
Sharon
or Ol’ Tart or Shazza
We have heard remarkable
tributes from Rob’s friends and colleagues.
In addition Chris has had letters from the mayor and council chiefs
acknowledging Rob’s contribution over the years.
I will now go back some years to
pick up the story of his life.
Karri recalls Rob playing golf –
probably at Little Hay - at the age of 13 and when he was older he brought home
several trophies.
Another memory from this time was
when she returned home for a visit from university with Mike, her husband to be,
and was amazed when Rob cooked them a beautiful cheese soufflé.
He loved to cook and would turn his hand to a roast dinner, hot pots,
soup and cakes. In fact he could be
possessive of the kitchen and would chase everyone out.
It was through badminton that he
met Chris when they both joined the Kings Badminton Club as novices in the
Rudolf Steiner School in Kings Langley. The
club was lively and sociable and they played lots of tournaments.
Chris noticed he had great legs but they were friends first before
falling in love.
They also went on to be county
mixed doubles champions. Rob
persuaded her to buy an old Morris Oxford with him – he admitted later it was
an excuse to spend more time with her.
Their romance started when they
attended an international badminton tournament in Malta. Then they lived
together in Hemel Hempstead before buying a flat that his father found for them.
And they were married at the Bury Register Office in Hemel Hempstead with
a party for friends later at Leverstock Green Hall before a honeymoon in the
Lake District.
The four-poster bed that Rob had
booked had been double booked and unfortunately they arrived after the other
couple – though they did play a game of snooker together.
Rob was cross but they still had a wonderful time – walking and
touring.
Rob loved the natural world,
particularly bird watching.
While he was in his mid 20s, Rob
first became ill and was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis.
He became stoical about his condition and over the years learnt to live
with it as best he could.
In 1984 he was told he had a rare
liver disease PSC though this only started to give him serious problems a couple
of years ago. He knew then he would
probably never be an old man and met the challenge actively by doing everything
he could to protect his health. The
family will give donations made in Rob’s memory to a support group for people
with PSC.
Chris said Rob lived longer than
the doctors expected due to his positive attitude and the help of alternative
therapies such as reiki healing and reflexology. He was under consultants at three London hospitals.
It
was Rob who did not want to wait to have children. Jonathan was born 14 years ago, followed by Emily in 1994.
Tribute by Emily:
Dad I will miss you.
You will be in my heart and soul. I’m
sorry you died. I will always think
of you. I love you so.
Rob was an involved father from
the moment Jay and Em were born. Having
the family meant of course that Rob and Chris could not play sport as much as
before. Instead they started - as
the children grew up – to get as much pleasure from introducing the children
to sport.
They all went on an adventure
holiday to Wales with rock climbing, canoeing and riding.
The family had some great holidays in Spain and last year travelled to
the United States visiting the Grand Canyon, Los Angeles, San Francisco and
Yosemite Park.
The family are very close to Karri
and Mike’s family. Their children
Adam and Gavin, have good memories of walks in Wendover woods, lots of games and
fun. Rob always had time to talk to
them and was a good listener.
One of Rob’s last projects was
to organise both families a holiday in Brittany.
It was very successful with visits to the beach at midnight, plenty of
volley ball and scrabble playing.
Humour was an important part of
life to Rob. He particularly loved
the programme “I’m sorry I have not a clue”, Black Adder, Fawlty Towers,
Tommy Cooper and Billy Connelly.
Rob died after just eight days in
Hemel Hempstead Hospital with Chris and Karri by him. During this time he was as cheeky as ever to the nurses and
was himself to the end.
Reflective Time
We
will now pause for a short time so you can have your own thoughts and memories
of Rob. So remember him - how he
was with you and the times you shared. The
music today has been chosen by the family.
Music: Once Upon a Time in
the West by Enio Morricone
The Committal
In love and respect we
have remembered Robert John Marsden and recalled the person he has been.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose on earth; a
time to be born and a time to die. Here
in this last act, in sorrow but without fear, in love and appreciation, we
commit his body to its natural end.
Closing Words
We have said farewell to
Rob but I hope we will all keep in our hearts the inspiration of the exuberant
way he lived his life.
I would like to end with
a poem written by one of Rob’s friends, Rosella.
When someone has graced our lives,
With their presence,
Sharing with us their love, joy, compassion,
Kindness and the true light of their spirit,
It is a cause for celebration.
However, when we are faced with the loss
Of that presence, we find they have left
Behind a gap impossible to fill.
But any relationship founded in love
Leaves love behind
And, as long as we hold love at our heart,
Then that gap is not empty.
Music for exit: Power of Love by Frankie Goes To
Hollywood